Stuff Yellow People Like

If you ask Yellow people to describe the great accomplishments of Yellow people culture, some will say the “Great Wall of Yellow People Land” or “Writing” or some may even say “Yellow People” (we consider ourselves to be pretty damn awesome).  However, one accomplishment that all Yellow People (yes, all gazillion of them) as a whole will agree on is that all these great accomplishments were but a preview of our most recent foray into racial awesomeness: bubble tea  (two other things that Yellow People agree on is that career formula (doctors > lawyers > engineers > your real dreams) and playing piano for eight hours a day when you’re five counts as fun time).

Bubble Tea was created in Taiwan around the 1980s and is referred to by many names including “boba”, “neu-nai tsa” and/or “boba neu-nai tsa.”   As with all things that command religious fervor, Bubble Tea quickly schismed into many variations (snow, frosty, milk) but Yellow People generally agree on a few tenets of Bubble Tea Orthodoxy.  These basic truths are usually that bubble tea is made of black tea with condensed milk, tapioca balls and drank through a wide straw with a colorful plastic lid.  However, the benefits of one Bubble Tea type over another should not be examined too deeply amongst a crowd of Yellow People as it ranks up there with Taiwan statehood as a hot button issue.  Yes, your Yellow friends who normally wouldn’t utter a peep during a Victoria’s Secret party will all of a sudden burst forth from their coccoon like a tightly wrapped steamed dumpling and begin arguing the finer points of a sugar beverage.

Yellow People have mastered the art of Bubble Tea in the same way that White People have mastered the art of coffee - and when we say “art” we primarily mean ripping off the aspirational middle-class into paying way too much for what might most optimistically be defined as an oral experience (not that type of oral experience - you’re sick).  However, inside a bubble tea store, instead of Paul McCartney albums and copies of Cranium, Yellow People most likely have a karaoke machine with the latest songs by Mariah Carey and an old dilapidated copy of Chinese Checkers (or Chinese Chess, depending on how classy the Chinatown is).

If you want to be extra Yellow, remember to ask for a bubble tea with soy milk substitute.  This will show your empathy with other Yellow People, as many of them are also lactose intolerant.

The person who made this diagram probably learned how to do it after four years at MIT.